Well, I have gained back 24 of the 44 pounds that I lost. For a net lost of 20 stinking pounds. If I sound mad, I am. I am mad at myself and mad at food for tasting good. I am mad at sugar, to which I am addicted.
I weighed myself today and I am 238 pounds. I am embarrassed and angry.
So, today I am starting over. It is the worst possible time of year to start over, but I am doing it anyway. I will begin exercise TODAY. I will begin weighing and measuring my food, again. I will track my calories.
I am going to use this blog to log my food and feelings about each day. Perhaps by doing this, I can stay aware of what I am feeling when I want to binge.
Breakfast:
1/2 cup coffee with one tablespoon creamer 35 calories
2 eggs 140
2 slices bacon 80
2 slices toast without butter 140
Tonight I will be back to post the rest of my day.
Ticker
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Another Good Week
So, last Saturday I weighed 222.6 and today I am 219.0 so that is a 3.6 pound loss. Woot! Makes me happy.
My calories this week have been under 1600 each day. Surprisingly, there were only a couple of times when I fantasized about gorging on a buffet or eating a whole cheesecake. Seriously, I didn't feel many pangs or have to white knuckle it too much.
I only exercised three times because I was just super busy and we had some rain, which kept me indoors. I have been really focusing on protein and trying to keep my carbs below 50% of my intake each day. It isn't easy, especially when I need to buy groceries, like today. My only option for breakfast this morning is eggs because today is shopping day.
My one indulgence that I don't feel guilty about is Hershey's Special Dark bars. They are only 180 a serving and I will eat them whenever my calorie allowance has room! Dark chocolate is good for you anyway - wink, wink !
I plan to stay on track and am praying I will be in Onederland by mid June. I really, really need that victory.
My calories this week have been under 1600 each day. Surprisingly, there were only a couple of times when I fantasized about gorging on a buffet or eating a whole cheesecake. Seriously, I didn't feel many pangs or have to white knuckle it too much.
I only exercised three times because I was just super busy and we had some rain, which kept me indoors. I have been really focusing on protein and trying to keep my carbs below 50% of my intake each day. It isn't easy, especially when I need to buy groceries, like today. My only option for breakfast this morning is eggs because today is shopping day.
My one indulgence that I don't feel guilty about is Hershey's Special Dark bars. They are only 180 a serving and I will eat them whenever my calorie allowance has room! Dark chocolate is good for you anyway - wink, wink !
I plan to stay on track and am praying I will be in Onederland by mid June. I really, really need that victory.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Terrifying Journey
I Think it is safe to assume, since the last time I blogged here, I have gotten off track with my journey to healthier living. I had gained back TWELVE of the 44 I lost. I only knew that because I FINALLY weighed in. I was avoiding weigh in because I knew I was out of control. One morning I just decided I needed to know and that is what rocked me back to reality. TWELVE FLIPPING POUNDS??? If only it came off that fast usually, right? It scared me. It terrified me.
Since then I have lost 4.8 of the gained pounds, so now I am at 221.4 so I have a net lost of 37.2 - it makes me sad and frustrated. It is what it is I guess and I am glad I am now, "in control" again but I have to say it is hard. So.Flipping.Hard. I want to eat more and I want cakes, chocolate etc. I know I want to eat because of emotions and/or stress and it is what I have done my whole life to cope/comfort. I don't want to do that anymore. I want off the roller coaster.
So, here it is. To get to my goal of 160 I need to drop 61.4 pounds. I know it can be done. I know what to do and how to do it. Now, I just need to believe and act.
Exercise: I have been riding my bike almost daily and the one day I didn't I did the treadmill instead. I like the way exercise makes me feel afterward so why do I resist doing it? The only answer I have is laziness, but in my heart I know that isn't it because I am ALWAYS busy with SOMETHING. I am not a lazy person, nor have I ever really been unmotivated, except for during times of depression. I am goal oriented and I have dreams and desires. Dreams and desires I need to be healthy for so I can enjoy them.
What I am now embarking on is what I like to call Phase 2. Phase one, I lost 44 pounds, found exercise, had some setbacks and learned new things. Phase 2 - I am now losing again, exercising regularly and have a new outlook and I am not giving up. Phase 3 will be maintenance.
Until next time.
Since then I have lost 4.8 of the gained pounds, so now I am at 221.4 so I have a net lost of 37.2 - it makes me sad and frustrated. It is what it is I guess and I am glad I am now, "in control" again but I have to say it is hard. So.Flipping.Hard. I want to eat more and I want cakes, chocolate etc. I know I want to eat because of emotions and/or stress and it is what I have done my whole life to cope/comfort. I don't want to do that anymore. I want off the roller coaster.
So, here it is. To get to my goal of 160 I need to drop 61.4 pounds. I know it can be done. I know what to do and how to do it. Now, I just need to believe and act.
Exercise: I have been riding my bike almost daily and the one day I didn't I did the treadmill instead. I like the way exercise makes me feel afterward so why do I resist doing it? The only answer I have is laziness, but in my heart I know that isn't it because I am ALWAYS busy with SOMETHING. I am not a lazy person, nor have I ever really been unmotivated, except for during times of depression. I am goal oriented and I have dreams and desires. Dreams and desires I need to be healthy for so I can enjoy them.
What I am now embarking on is what I like to call Phase 2. Phase one, I lost 44 pounds, found exercise, had some setbacks and learned new things. Phase 2 - I am now losing again, exercising regularly and have a new outlook and I am not giving up. Phase 3 will be maintenance.
Until next time.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
The scale moved again!
Finally, after 5 weeks at the same weight, I am down 2 more pounds to 217. I literally jumped up and down after weighing because I was so excited to see a different number on the scale-and it went in the right direction! I even weighed a second time just to make sure.
I suppose this was a mini plateau and I must say it sucked. I kept on exercising though and stayed in the right calorie zone for the most part. I did have a few "screw it" moments and went over my calories, but I have had no "binges" since I began this journey in April. It just wouldn't be worth it. I don't miss the hurting stuffed stomach or the acid reflux from eating too much. I have come close with the Watermelon this summer, but better Watermelon than the processed carbs I used to binge on.
I still have an obsession with food and I constantly think about eating. I am a food addict. I know that sounds strange and just outright ridiculous to people who eat normal, but it is true. I don't know that I will ever stop struggling. I do know that I want a healthier relationship with food and that I want a healthy body and that means I have to work at it daily. So, I can't really escape the food. Unlike alcoholics and drug addicts, I need my drug of choice to sustain life. Life would be so much easier if I didn't need food. I could just quit cold turkey and fill my days with so many other things. Sigh.
For exercise I have been attending a fitness class 3 times a week. It is very intense for someone my size, but I do feel like I am in much better shape. The first time around that I took the class (for one month when I weighed 258) I literally thought I might die - that my heart was going to pop out of my chest. Now, I merely get out of breath, but about 15-20 minutes after class I literally feel energized! The instructor is obsessed with squats (are you seeing this Brian?????- More back of the leg exercises please!) so the fronts on my thighs are rock hard. I feel like I am getting Hulk thighs!! Meanwhile the backs on my legs (hamstrings??) feel mushy and desperately need to be toned. Squats don't do it for me- I only feel it in the front part of my legs. Anyway, I have started doing exercises at home for the back of my legs - it makes me feel better even though I have been told I can't "spot train."
Since three times a week isn't enough I am stepping up the exercise and on the off days I have been bike riding with my 6 year old who thinks it is great fun. It IS great fun being able to keep up with him!! This is what I have been dreaming about. Although I am not at goal weight yet, this was one of my goals - to bike ride with the kids. As the weight keeps coming off I envision longer and more exciting rides.
Here is the most recent photo - this weight was 219:
So, it's weird. In these photos I prefer the side view, but when I am wearing my workout clothes I much prefer the front view. I am starting to like the curves in my hip area and I am enjoying the smaller size of my legs.
Speaking of legs, my legs and butt are still one size smaller than my gut. I can now squeeze into the Size 16 jeans hanging in my closet and at the store I pulled a 16 off the rack and it went on with ease and there was no muffin top. I think when I am down about 5-8 more pounds my 16's should fit comfortably and be wearable in public. I can't wait!!!
I suppose this was a mini plateau and I must say it sucked. I kept on exercising though and stayed in the right calorie zone for the most part. I did have a few "screw it" moments and went over my calories, but I have had no "binges" since I began this journey in April. It just wouldn't be worth it. I don't miss the hurting stuffed stomach or the acid reflux from eating too much. I have come close with the Watermelon this summer, but better Watermelon than the processed carbs I used to binge on.
I still have an obsession with food and I constantly think about eating. I am a food addict. I know that sounds strange and just outright ridiculous to people who eat normal, but it is true. I don't know that I will ever stop struggling. I do know that I want a healthier relationship with food and that I want a healthy body and that means I have to work at it daily. So, I can't really escape the food. Unlike alcoholics and drug addicts, I need my drug of choice to sustain life. Life would be so much easier if I didn't need food. I could just quit cold turkey and fill my days with so many other things. Sigh.
For exercise I have been attending a fitness class 3 times a week. It is very intense for someone my size, but I do feel like I am in much better shape. The first time around that I took the class (for one month when I weighed 258) I literally thought I might die - that my heart was going to pop out of my chest. Now, I merely get out of breath, but about 15-20 minutes after class I literally feel energized! The instructor is obsessed with squats (are you seeing this Brian?????- More back of the leg exercises please!) so the fronts on my thighs are rock hard. I feel like I am getting Hulk thighs!! Meanwhile the backs on my legs (hamstrings??) feel mushy and desperately need to be toned. Squats don't do it for me- I only feel it in the front part of my legs. Anyway, I have started doing exercises at home for the back of my legs - it makes me feel better even though I have been told I can't "spot train."
Since three times a week isn't enough I am stepping up the exercise and on the off days I have been bike riding with my 6 year old who thinks it is great fun. It IS great fun being able to keep up with him!! This is what I have been dreaming about. Although I am not at goal weight yet, this was one of my goals - to bike ride with the kids. As the weight keeps coming off I envision longer and more exciting rides.
Here is the most recent photo - this weight was 219:
Speaking of legs, my legs and butt are still one size smaller than my gut. I can now squeeze into the Size 16 jeans hanging in my closet and at the store I pulled a 16 off the rack and it went on with ease and there was no muffin top. I think when I am down about 5-8 more pounds my 16's should fit comfortably and be wearable in public. I can't wait!!!
Friday, August 27, 2010
I finally hit the TWO-TEENS!!!
WOOOT!!! I am now 219!!! I haven't weighed this little in 5 years. Not that it is really "this little" but definitely better than the last 5 years. I am now down 39 pounds with 69 to go to my first major goal of 150- which will be 108 pounds lost. Ultimately I want to go to 140 which will be 118 pounds lost.
I am so close to ONEDERLAND!! My goal is to hit 199 or less by Thanksgiving. I just keep thinking about it and thinking about it. I want so badly to be healthy and fit. Next summer I want to be at the pool without being self conscious. I want to chase a ball around the yard or ride bikes with Noodle - my little guy who is turning 7 in December. I am also looking forward to getting off Metformin and my blood pressure medication of Losartan. Fitness is what I want- looking good will just be a benefit of that!!
I am so close to ONEDERLAND!! My goal is to hit 199 or less by Thanksgiving. I just keep thinking about it and thinking about it. I want so badly to be healthy and fit. Next summer I want to be at the pool without being self conscious. I want to chase a ball around the yard or ride bikes with Noodle - my little guy who is turning 7 in December. I am also looking forward to getting off Metformin and my blood pressure medication of Losartan. Fitness is what I want- looking good will just be a benefit of that!!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Progress Pictures
Over to the right you can see my before pic at 258. Here are some pictures from Friday weighing in at 223.
On the move again....
OK- I still feel sort of stuck but I am down to 223.2 - so at least the downward trend is continuing. I just wish it was faster.
I still need to focus on getting more water and I think once the pool closes and my mode of exercise changes to something more sweat inducing then perhaps the scale will move down faster.
A new progress picture coming soon.
I still need to focus on getting more water and I think once the pool closes and my mode of exercise changes to something more sweat inducing then perhaps the scale will move down faster.
A new progress picture coming soon.
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