Terrifying Journey

I Think it is safe to assume, since the last time I blogged here, I have gotten off track with my journey to healthier living.  I had gained back TWELVE of the 44 I lost.  I only knew that because I FINALLY weighed in.  I was avoiding weigh in because I knew I was out of control.  One morning I just decided I needed to know and that is what rocked me back to reality.  TWELVE FLIPPING POUNDS???  If only it came off that fast usually, right?  It scared me.  It terrified me.

Since then I have lost 4.8 of the gained pounds, so now I am at 221.4 so I have a net lost of 37.2 - it makes me sad and frustrated.  It is what it is I guess and I am glad I am now, "in control" again but I have to say it is hard.  So.Flipping.Hard.  I want to eat more and I want cakes, chocolate etc.  I know I want to eat because of emotions and/or stress and it is what I have done my whole life to cope/comfort.  I don't want to do that anymore.  I want off the roller coaster. 

So, here it is.  To get to my goal of 160 I need to drop 61.4 pounds.  I know it can be done.  I know what to do  and how to do it. Now, I just need to believe and act.

Exercise:  I have been riding my bike almost daily and the one day I didn't I did the treadmill instead.  I like the way exercise makes me feel afterward so why do I resist doing it?  The only answer I have is laziness, but in my heart I know that isn't it because I am ALWAYS busy with SOMETHING.  I am not a lazy person, nor have I ever really been unmotivated, except for during times of depression.  I am goal oriented and I have dreams and desires.  Dreams and desires I need to be healthy for so I can enjoy them.

What I am now embarking on is what I like to call Phase 2.  Phase one, I lost 44 pounds, found exercise, had some setbacks and learned new things.  Phase 2 - I am now losing again, exercising regularly and have a new outlook and I am not giving up.  Phase 3 will be maintenance.

Until next time.