Starting Over

Well, I have gained back 24 of the 44 pounds that I lost.  For a net lost of 20 stinking pounds. If I sound mad, I am.  I am mad at myself and mad at food for tasting good. I am mad at sugar, to which I am addicted. 

I weighed myself today and I am 238 pounds.  I am embarrassed and angry.

So, today I am starting over.  It is the worst possible time of year to start over, but I am doing it anyway.  I will begin exercise TODAY.  I will begin weighing and measuring my food, again.  I will track my calories. 

I am going to use this blog to log my food and feelings about each day.  Perhaps by doing this, I can stay aware of what I am feeling when I want to binge.

Breakfast:

1/2 cup coffee with one tablespoon creamer 35 calories
2 eggs 140
2 slices bacon 80
2 slices toast without butter 140

Tonight I will be back to post the rest of my day.

Another Good Week

So, last Saturday I weighed 222.6 and today I am 219.0 so that is a 3.6 pound loss.  Woot! Makes me happy. 

My calories this week have been under 1600 each day.  Surprisingly, there were only a couple of times when I fantasized about gorging on a buffet or eating a whole cheesecake.  Seriously, I didn't feel many pangs or have to white knuckle it too much.

I only exercised three times because I was just super busy and we had some rain, which kept me indoors.  I have been really focusing on protein and trying to keep my carbs below 50% of my intake each day. It isn't easy, especially when I need to buy groceries, like today.  My only option for breakfast this morning is eggs because today is shopping day. 

My one indulgence that I don't feel guilty about is Hershey's Special Dark bars.  They are only 180 a serving and I will eat them whenever my calorie allowance has room!  Dark chocolate is good for you anyway - wink, wink !

I plan to stay on track and am praying I will be in Onederland by mid June.  I really, really need that victory.

Terrifying Journey

I Think it is safe to assume, since the last time I blogged here, I have gotten off track with my journey to healthier living.  I had gained back TWELVE of the 44 I lost.  I only knew that because I FINALLY weighed in.  I was avoiding weigh in because I knew I was out of control.  One morning I just decided I needed to know and that is what rocked me back to reality.  TWELVE FLIPPING POUNDS???  If only it came off that fast usually, right?  It scared me.  It terrified me.

Since then I have lost 4.8 of the gained pounds, so now I am at 221.4 so I have a net lost of 37.2 - it makes me sad and frustrated.  It is what it is I guess and I am glad I am now, "in control" again but I have to say it is hard.  So.Flipping.Hard.  I want to eat more and I want cakes, chocolate etc.  I know I want to eat because of emotions and/or stress and it is what I have done my whole life to cope/comfort.  I don't want to do that anymore.  I want off the roller coaster. 

So, here it is.  To get to my goal of 160 I need to drop 61.4 pounds.  I know it can be done.  I know what to do  and how to do it. Now, I just need to believe and act.

Exercise:  I have been riding my bike almost daily and the one day I didn't I did the treadmill instead.  I like the way exercise makes me feel afterward so why do I resist doing it?  The only answer I have is laziness, but in my heart I know that isn't it because I am ALWAYS busy with SOMETHING.  I am not a lazy person, nor have I ever really been unmotivated, except for during times of depression.  I am goal oriented and I have dreams and desires.  Dreams and desires I need to be healthy for so I can enjoy them.

What I am now embarking on is what I like to call Phase 2.  Phase one, I lost 44 pounds, found exercise, had some setbacks and learned new things.  Phase 2 - I am now losing again, exercising regularly and have a new outlook and I am not giving up.  Phase 3 will be maintenance.

Until next time.