The scale moved again!

Finally, after 5 weeks at the same weight, I am down 2 more pounds to 217.  I literally jumped up and down after weighing because I was so excited to see a different number on the scale-and it went in the right direction!  I even weighed a second time just to make sure.

I suppose this was a mini plateau and I must say it sucked.  I kept on exercising though and stayed in the right calorie zone for the most part.  I did have a few "screw it" moments and went over my calories, but I have had no "binges" since I began this journey in April.  It just wouldn't be worth it.  I don't miss the hurting stuffed stomach or the acid reflux from eating too much.  I have come close with the Watermelon this summer, but better Watermelon than the processed carbs I used to binge on.

I still have an obsession with food and I constantly think about eating.  I am a food addict.  I know that sounds strange and just outright ridiculous to people who eat normal, but it is true.  I don't know that I will ever stop struggling.  I do know that I want a healthier relationship with food and that I want a healthy body and that means I have to work at it daily.  So, I can't really escape the food.  Unlike alcoholics and drug addicts, I need my drug of choice to sustain life.  Life would be so much easier if I didn't need food.  I could just quit cold turkey and fill my days with so many other things.  Sigh.

For exercise I have been attending a fitness class 3 times a week.  It is very intense for someone my size, but I do feel like I am in much better shape.  The first time around that I took the class (for one month when I weighed 258) I literally thought I might die - that my heart was going to pop out of my chest.  Now, I merely get out of breath, but about 15-20 minutes after class I literally feel energized!  The instructor is obsessed with squats (are you seeing this Brian?????- More back of the leg exercises please!) so the fronts on my thighs are rock hard.  I feel like I am getting Hulk thighs!!  Meanwhile the backs on my legs (hamstrings??) feel mushy and desperately need to be toned.  Squats don't do it for me- I only feel it in the front part of my legs.  Anyway, I have started doing exercises at home for the back of my legs - it makes me feel better even though I have been told I can't "spot train." 

Since three times a week isn't enough I am stepping up the exercise and on the off days I have been bike riding with my 6 year old who thinks it is great fun.  It IS great fun being able to keep up with him!!  This is what I have been dreaming about.  Although I am not at goal weight yet, this was one of my goals - to bike ride with the kids.  As the weight keeps coming off I envision longer and more exciting rides.

Here is the most recent photo - this weight was 219:

So, it's weird.  In these photos I prefer the side view, but when I am wearing my workout clothes I much prefer the front view.  I am starting to like the curves in my hip area and I am enjoying the smaller size of my legs. 

Speaking of legs, my legs and butt are still one size smaller than my gut.  I can now squeeze into the Size 16 jeans hanging in my closet and at the store I pulled a 16 off the rack and it went on with ease and there was no muffin top.  I think when I am down about 5-8 more pounds my 16's should fit comfortably and be wearable in public. I can't wait!!!

I finally hit the TWO-TEENS!!!

WOOOT!!!  I am now 219!!! I haven't weighed this little in 5 years.  Not that it is really "this little" but definitely better than the last 5 years.  I am now down 39 pounds with 69 to go to my first major goal of 150- which will be 108 pounds lost.  Ultimately I want to go to 140 which will be 118 pounds lost. 

I am so close to ONEDERLAND!! My goal is to hit 199 or less by Thanksgiving.  I just keep thinking about it and thinking about it. I want so badly to be healthy and fit.  Next summer I want to be at the pool without being self conscious.  I want to chase a ball around the yard or ride bikes with Noodle - my little guy who is turning 7 in December.  I am also looking forward to getting off Metformin and my blood pressure medication of Losartan.  Fitness is what I want- looking good will just be a benefit of that!!

Progress Pictures

Over to the right you can see my before pic at 258.  Here are some pictures from Friday weighing in at 223.

On the move again....

OK- I still feel sort of stuck but I am down to 223.2 - so at least the downward trend is continuing.  I just wish it was faster. 

I still need to focus on getting more water and I think once the pool closes and my mode of exercise changes to something more sweat inducing then perhaps the scale will move down faster.

A new progress picture coming soon.

Stuck

ARRGGGHH!!!!!  I have been "stuck" at 225.something for 14 days!!! Except for one of those 14 days and today I am at 224.6.  I am hoping the stall is over and I will now be on a downward trend again.  Nothing has changed.....still eating in my calorie range and still exercising 5 days a week. 

I am focused on lots of water today and hoping that will help.  I am hoping this stall is related to wacky TOM issues and not a "real" stall.  How could it possibly be "real" when I have only lost 34 pounds with so many more to go???  

225.0

Down again! I have literally been exercising my butt off! A friend told me a couple of days ago, "I don't mean to be inappropriate, but your butt is smaller."  WOOOOOHOOOOOO!!! Finally, the 33 pounds off is starting to show! I am hoping by the end of August I will be down at least 40 pounds.  I really can't wait to be down 60 so I can sing that song, "I'ma Halfway There" by some goofy teen band.  LOL

Exercise - more intense exercise than I have been doing - is making the difference I think.

Down dooby do down, down........

Down to 228.6 - wooooooot!!! Second mini goal reached 7/20/10

Next stop 199 - aka ONEDERLAND!!  Mini goal number three is to get to Onederland weighing 199 or less.  29 pounds to go.  I am hoping I will be there by 10/21/10.

I am continuing to count and log calories at http://www.fitday.com/ My profile is public if you want to see how much food I eat and what I am eating while losing an average of 2.4 pounds a week!  TXMary2 is my screenname.

My mother has lost 12 pounds!!!  She is doing great!  She bought a treadmill.  I went over to give it a whirl tonight and walked 21 mintues at an incline of 2.5 while going 3.0 to 3.5 mph.  I sweatted, huffed and puffed and felt good!  I was a little annoyed when Fitday said I only burned 98 calories!! Seems like a lot of effort to burn so little, but as the ladies at 3 Fat Chicks forums reminded me - I am in this for health and to get fit and toned, not necessarily just to "burn calories."  I don't know what I would do without such a great group of supportive strangers at 3FC! They are a blessing.

Going down please!

OK- I have been experimenting with weighing everyday to see how my weight flucuates based on my calories, water and exercise the day before as well as how my weight behaves during TOM.

On June 16th I was 238.2 and today I am 232.0  - that's 6.2 pounds lost. Total lost since April 21st - 26 pounds.   I need to speed things up to 8-10 pounds a month.  This last week I have kept my calories in the 1600 range instead of the 1800-2000 range that I am allowed.  I can also step up the exercise and see what happens.

My biggest focus right now is getting into ONEDERLAND! I am 33 pounds away and I'd like to be there before Halloween!  That seems so far off, but I need to have the patience.  Even though I have been gaining weight each year for the last 14 years and abusing my body with unhealthy foods and no exercise, it is amazing how quickly it can be undone.  ONE YEAR and 100 pounds can come off - after 14 years of abuse - as someone on 3FC recently said, that is freaking amazing.  So, would I like to be 140-150 today, yes, but I need to take this one day at a time and love my body by not overfeeding it and giving it healther foods.  I still don't make the healthiest choices, but I am weighing and measuring and eating reasonable servings for the most part.  As long as I am in my calorie range it is a good day!

Down another pound!

234.6 - down one pound from last Wednesday.  Went swimming yesterday for 30 minutes of treading water and laps.  Felt good.  We are going swimming again today and if I am not too burnt out I might go walking tonight before it gets dark.

NSV:  I put a pair of jeans on that previously I couldn't get over my gut, let alone zip or button.  They zip and button with relative ease, but they are not comfortably wearable.  They give me major muffin top - BUT it is progress so I am excited!!

Down .2

That darn TOM is causing me to hang onto water or something. I am only down .2 from last Wednesday.  Better than nothing or gaining I suppose.  I am hoping for a big WHOOSH when it is over!

Today I am feeling hungry.  I am already at 1300 calories for the day and haven't exercised at all.  I know right now I am craving more and that it will pass, but I hate this week of the month.  It sucks.

I have no idea what I am making for dinner.  I need groceries and that is part of the problem.  I can't go until Friday and we have plenty until then, just not much of the stuff I need/want.  Anyway, still on the downward trend and that makes me glad.

Feeling good!

Right now I am feeling good and invigorated. I got up about 6:20 this morning. Logged on to 3FC, had my coffee, did some laundry. Then I went for a 25 minute walk around the neighborhood before it got too hot in this Texas summer! I am still sweating as I type this - LOL. I am enjoying a Yoplait fruit smoothie and it is YUMMY!

I am taking the kids to the pool this afternoon and I will get more exercise there. TOM showed up yesterday and I am .4 up from my official last weigh day. I hope he leaves soon. I despise him. I need every bit of encouragement available and being up .4 annoys me. Small stuff I know, but I have 85 pounds to go to get to my first MAJOR goal. The more and more I think about it I don't want that to be the stopping point. I think I really want to get to 135 and a size 8 or maybe a 6 with today's large sizes. All I know is I would like to say GOOD BYE to all the clothes in my closet and get a complete new wardrobe. Once I get to my goal weight I don't ever want to look back.

Something really heavy on my mind lately is that I want another baby, but I don't want to get pregnant until I am at goal. I know that sounds crazy because with pregnancy comes weight gain, however, I feel this time around I would really be ok. I would continue to exercise through the pregnancy (like with my first pregnancy), I would be eating better, more energetic and wiser! My last pregnancy I only gained 22 pounds and it was all off by the time I went home from the hospital. Of course I was already overweight when I started. I don't know...I am just going to keep praying about it. My husband says no, but he knows the desire of my heart and he may change his mind later. I just really feel that I want to have one more child. I am not done.

Official Weigh Day

This morning I am at 235.8 which is down 2.4 from last official weigh day.  Yeah!  I am 7 pounds from my second mini goal which is to get to 228.  Onederland is getting closer and closer.

Clothes feel good, but still can't wait to get into the next pair of jeans hanging in my closet.  I will try again when I am at 228.

3.5

I am down another 3.5 pounds!! Woohooo!!! I weighed in yesterday at 236.0 for a total of 22 pounds gone now.

Here's a progress picture.

At 258 April 21, 2010

And yesterday at 236

So, 22 pounds isn't a lot for someone my size, but it is enough to notice a difference in my clothing.  I am soooo close to going down to the 18's in my closet.  The 20's are definitely loose so I am between sizes.  The picture with the black shorts - those are 18/20's from Lane Bryant that I bought 8-10 years ago I think.  They fit comfortably and I was so excited to try them on and find that they fit!!  Today I am wearing a khaki size 18 pair that fit comfortably!! 

1.5

I am down another 1.5 pounds.  Yeah! I was hoping for more, but I'll take it.  I only had 2 days of exercise this week so that was probably the reason for less than 2 pounds.

I am pressing on! 

Tonight is Mom's Night Out for my homeschool group so I am eating lighter today to save room for calories tonight. I am going to go search online to see if the menu is online....that way I can try to figure out the healthiest option before getting there.  I am going for taste and not a gazillion calories.

Why Am I Fat?

I used to think the answer to this was simple.  I'm fat because I ate too much over the years.  That's true, but it isn't the whole story.  Why did I eat too much? Why do I still have thoughts of bingeing even though I detest being fat?  Clearly being fat is not just a physical issue.

I am 6 weeks in to my new lifestyle.  A lifestyle of making better food choices, eating normal servings and moving my body more.  I still react to smells and the sight of foods - my guess is out of habit rather than desire.  I have fleeting thoughts of wanting to eat more than my share because that has been "normal" for me for so many years.  I don't really want to binge because I know the consequences and I am just done with that.  Honestly though, it is so hard to say no or walk away when I am feeling needy or tired or angry. 

I am committed to tracking calories and eating normal servings and when I find myself really wanting something I make it part of my calorie count.  While losing these 17 pounds  I have eaten fast food and indulged in desserts.  I feel satisfied physically, but emotionally want more sometimes.

So, I eat out of emotion and feeling rather than physical need for food.  I am not sure I know what TRUE hunger feels like, but right now I don't need to know I just need to get healthy.  I think I want to know the why of who I am, but I get the feeling emotional pain will be involved.  Off the top of my head I know when this weight gain started....1997 when my Dad died I slowly began to put on weight at a rate of about 15 pounds a year.  Over the years I have lost anywhere from 10-30 a couple of times but mostly maintained being fat.  Then 5 years ago we moved to Texas and I put on 30 more pounds since being here. 

After my Dad's death there were many emotional/angering moments with my mother and her issues that contributed to how I was feeling.  Being married to an alcoholic hasn't helped either.  In fact I think that has had more effect on me than anything else.  Because I felt powerless over him and hated him for being an alcoholic I stuffed all my rage with food.  I think subconsciously I did it to keep him away from me - because I couldn't stand him and didn't want him touching me. I know that sounds sad and  harsh, but it was life for me.  Thankfully, 18 months ago he sobered up and I know it sounds corny, but life has become more than wonderful.  We have our spats - what couple doesn't - but we don't rage on each other anymore and we generally get along.  He talks about things now and he works hard around the house and yard instead of passing out on the couch every weekend.  These last 18 months of life improvement have caused me to finally take a look at myself and I could no longer blame him.

I am in a place of healing.  I want to be healthy - for me, for my dh, my kids and I want my body to bring glory to the Lord.  I don't want to abuse my body anymore with too much food and not enough exercise.  I want that more than I want to binge and that is why I can't tolerate being fat any longer.

Measurements

On April 22, 2010 - the day I started my new journey of healthy living I measured my chest, waist, hips and biceps.  I meausred again today.  I lost 1 inch on my waist, 1 inch on my biceps, 3.5 inches on my chest and 3 inches on my hips.  At first I thought the chest and hips couldn't be right, but now that I think about it, it makes sense.  My pants are only slightly more comfy in the waist, but generously comfy on hips and butt area.  Bras are fitting better too so I guess it is right.  I plan on measuring again in July.

Calories are going well this week so far.  Also, I took the kids to the pool and while I was there I purposefully treaded water and doggy paddled around.  I consider it moderate exercise.  I am praying for at least a 2 pound loss on Wednesday.

Weigh Day

I just realized I didn't post last week!  Last week I lost 2.8 pounds and was down to 245 and this morning I am 241.8 - YEAH!!!

My calories this week were lower on average and this weekend I did a lot of physical labor installing our new faux wood floors.  I am so excited!

I am down for a total of 17 pounds.  I can't wait to go down a size in jeans.  I have "heard" that in the upper sizes where I am there are about 30-40 pounds between sizes and as the sizes get smaller so do the pounds required to get down to the next one. I have about 4 pairs of jeans in my closet that are 18's that I cannot zip or button and when I can get in to those I will have my first major victory!

Weigh Day

Wooohoooo!!! I lost 2.2 pounds!  This is so exciting! LOL I am down to 247.8 and I met my first Mini-Goal of 10 pounds!!!!!  I am doing the happy dance. 

Next Mini Goal: 228 by August 1, 2010

My Chicken Salad recipe:

1 can of canned chicken (Walmart Great Value is the best tasting I have found) 360 cals
2 tablespoons Miracle Whip 40 cals
10 Red Grapes 34 cals
6 Almonds chopped up 42 cals
Red onion diced finely 1 to 2 tablespoons
Salt and pepper to taste

Mix and refrigerate.  I divide mine into 2 servings.  I eat alone or on a sandwich of whole grain bread. 

Anxious

Tomorrow is weigh in day!  Last week was only .8 of a pound and I attributed it to TOM who showed up Tuesday and disappeared by Wednesday afternoon.  So, it may not have been real!  Now I am stressing about weighing tomorrow.  All week I have been on the high end of my calorie range because of cravings that again, I am attributing to TOM.  They have subsided these last couple of days and I haven't felt so out of control hungry.

I have been implementing some minor exercise.  I have taken some walks around the block these last few days with Noodle.  Sometimes we go twice.  Yesterday I walked the block AND mowed the lawn and mowing the lawn got me out of breath and sweating!!!  I am counting it as cardio! LOL  Also, I have done some exercises on my arms with my dumbells.  Today I did some situps/crunches.  I am just doing a little at a time and doing what I can and trying to push myself just a little.  I don't want to injure myself or over do it and get out of control hungry from it. 

Anyway, I am hoping for a loss tomorrow!  I'll be back with a report.

Today's Weigh In

I only lost .8 - darn TOM is ruining it for me!!!  I am trying to give myself a pep talk- that .8 is better than nothing or heaven forbid, gaining!  Still, only 3 weeks in to not have what I deem to be a significant loss is upsetting to me.  Apparently, TOM can prevent quite a bit of loss and supposedly when it is gone I will have a nice drop.  I hope so. 

I am just going to stay on plan and keep drinking lots of water.  Also, this week I am adding a little "movement" to my days.  Yesterday I moved around the backyard with Noodle for 6 minutes. I jogged, I skipped, I moved my arms in jabbing motions, did walking lunges etc until I lost my breath.  6 minutes sounds pathetic, but that is something.  I am going to go for longer today.

It's going good.

I forgot to write in Wednesday! I lost 3 more pounds- total of 8 now!  2 pounds away from my first mini goal.

I am halfway through week 3 and it is going good. I feel good, have energy and I am sleeping normally.  My blood sugar was 146 today, 148 yesterday and 141 on Thursday.  I expect to be in the 130's next week!  Yeah! 

I am looking forward to weighing in on Wednesday.  I am expecting TOM soon so hopefully it won't affect my weight. I am drinking lots of water.  Eating a few almonds everytime I feel like I need something - I am sure that is helping with my blood sugars and keeping them from spiking high and low. 

Not really exercising yet. I can't decide what to do.  The weather is getting hot here so walking isn't really going to work for me.  Getting hot makes me ANGRY, frustrated and I want to cry. I am too fat for outdoor activity in the Texas heat.  I have some weights so I think I might start using those for my triceps and biceps and then I'll do floor exercises like leg lifts, sit ups and squats.  I can walk and run up and down the stairwell too.  I have some exercise videos, but I am not a fan. LOL  Perhaps when I am down 30 pounds I will give those a go.

Foods I added/tried this week:

Nutri-grain Eggo Waffles (yummy) with strawberries and half of 1/4 cup of syrup
Cottage cheese and peaches
Chicken "breaded" with corn flakes - baked - was super yummy!

I'll be back Wednesday with weigh in results.

Lost 5 pounds

I weighed in Wednesday and was down to 253.6 from 258.6 the Wednesday before. Down 5 pounds exactly.  I stayed under 1700 calories everyday and drank water everyday.  I am eating foods I like so I don't feel deprived, but I am weighing and measuring everything and putting all the data into http://www.fitday.com/

I weigh again this coming Wednesday and I am hoping for at least two more pounds gone.  My first mini goal is 10 pounds and I am halfway there. I am setting mini goals so I can feel a sense of accomplishment along the way.  I think this will help me from being impatient and overwhelmed by the big picture of losing over 100 pounds.

One great salad I made for myself this week:

Iceberg Lettuce Salad Mix 4 cups - 30 calories
1 can of tuna - 100 calories
2 hard boiled eggs sliced/chopped up - 140
2 tablespoons ranch dressing - 110 calories

Total 380 calories and VERY filling and gets me protein.   I may eventually switch to a "light" or "fat free" dressing if I can find one that tastes good. I refuse to eat anything that doesn't taste good because that only sets me up to fail.  I drink water with all my meals.

I saw some Whole Wheat tortillas at HEB yesterday. When I do my grocery shopping this week I am getting some and am going to experiment with making wraps - tuna or chicken with shredded lettuce, tomato, maybe avacado (super food) and a tablespoon or two of dressing.

Sooooooo.....here I am again.

I hope this is the last time I say, "I'm here again and back on the wagon."  The struggle with my weight over the years has taken a toll on me.  On Wednesday without planning for it (considering Tuesday night I ate almost a whole bag of salt and vinegar kettle chips) I just decided I couldn't do it anymore. I know I have probably said that before so I don't even expect anyone to believe me.  I am afraid for my health to decline or deteriorate.  My blood sugars have been over 200 for months and it has finally scared me.  Since Wednesday I have had bs's of 162, 177 and 180 which are still high but they are under 200 and that is great!

I am counting calories and drinking water. I am not beginning any exercise program at this time because exercise makes me extremely hungry and right now I just don't need any additional challenges.  I am re-training myself on portion sizes and just focusing on that and staying within an allotted calorie range.  I will tackle exercise after I have dropped some weight and feel stronger and more confident with my food choices.

I am not the type of person who can follow a thousand food rules.  I don't want to track fat grams, carbs etc.  I am strictly tracking calories, being conscious of portions by measuring, weighing etc.  I am making different food choices because of the calories, but if I decide I want chocolate I am going to eat a normal serving, log it and move on - making sure it is in my calorie range for the day.  I know myself and I know when I deprive myself of certain foods it is only a set up for failure because then what happens is I become obsessed with that which I cannot have. I have found that knowing I can have something if I choose, frees me up from thinking about it all the time!

I am not going to jump on any fads or follow the latest trends. I am not going to become obsessed about chemicals etc that are in foods. I do already choose "real" foods over chemically created foods - like I use real butter instead of margarine, real sugar instead of Equal.  Real is always going to be better for me, but again in the right portion.  I am not going to get distracted by what other people think I should do.  I know me best and I am going to choose how I travel this road.  I am not going to compare myself to anyone else either.

So, like the Whitesnake song says, "here I go again on my own!"  I am on the road to freedom, health and a closetful of jeans I haven't worn in years!