That darn TOM is causing me to hang onto water or something. I am only down .2 from last Wednesday. Better than nothing or gaining I suppose. I am hoping for a big WHOOSH when it is over!
Today I am feeling hungry. I am already at 1300 calories for the day and haven't exercised at all. I know right now I am craving more and that it will pass, but I hate this week of the month. It sucks.
I have no idea what I am making for dinner. I need groceries and that is part of the problem. I can't go until Friday and we have plenty until then, just not much of the stuff I need/want. Anyway, still on the downward trend and that makes me glad.
Ticker
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Feeling good!
Right now I am feeling good and invigorated. I got up about 6:20 this morning. Logged on to 3FC, had my coffee, did some laundry. Then I went for a 25 minute walk around the neighborhood before it got too hot in this Texas summer! I am still sweating as I type this - LOL. I am enjoying a Yoplait fruit smoothie and it is YUMMY!
I am taking the kids to the pool this afternoon and I will get more exercise there. TOM showed up yesterday and I am .4 up from my official last weigh day. I hope he leaves soon. I despise him. I need every bit of encouragement available and being up .4 annoys me. Small stuff I know, but I have 85 pounds to go to get to my first MAJOR goal. The more and more I think about it I don't want that to be the stopping point. I think I really want to get to 135 and a size 8 or maybe a 6 with today's large sizes. All I know is I would like to say GOOD BYE to all the clothes in my closet and get a complete new wardrobe. Once I get to my goal weight I don't ever want to look back.
Something really heavy on my mind lately is that I want another baby, but I don't want to get pregnant until I am at goal. I know that sounds crazy because with pregnancy comes weight gain, however, I feel this time around I would really be ok. I would continue to exercise through the pregnancy (like with my first pregnancy), I would be eating better, more energetic and wiser! My last pregnancy I only gained 22 pounds and it was all off by the time I went home from the hospital. Of course I was already overweight when I started. I don't know...I am just going to keep praying about it. My husband says no, but he knows the desire of my heart and he may change his mind later. I just really feel that I want to have one more child. I am not done.
I am taking the kids to the pool this afternoon and I will get more exercise there. TOM showed up yesterday and I am .4 up from my official last weigh day. I hope he leaves soon. I despise him. I need every bit of encouragement available and being up .4 annoys me. Small stuff I know, but I have 85 pounds to go to get to my first MAJOR goal. The more and more I think about it I don't want that to be the stopping point. I think I really want to get to 135 and a size 8 or maybe a 6 with today's large sizes. All I know is I would like to say GOOD BYE to all the clothes in my closet and get a complete new wardrobe. Once I get to my goal weight I don't ever want to look back.
Something really heavy on my mind lately is that I want another baby, but I don't want to get pregnant until I am at goal. I know that sounds crazy because with pregnancy comes weight gain, however, I feel this time around I would really be ok. I would continue to exercise through the pregnancy (like with my first pregnancy), I would be eating better, more energetic and wiser! My last pregnancy I only gained 22 pounds and it was all off by the time I went home from the hospital. Of course I was already overweight when I started. I don't know...I am just going to keep praying about it. My husband says no, but he knows the desire of my heart and he may change his mind later. I just really feel that I want to have one more child. I am not done.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Official Weigh Day
This morning I am at 235.8 which is down 2.4 from last official weigh day. Yeah! I am 7 pounds from my second mini goal which is to get to 228. Onederland is getting closer and closer.
Clothes feel good, but still can't wait to get into the next pair of jeans hanging in my closet. I will try again when I am at 228.
Clothes feel good, but still can't wait to get into the next pair of jeans hanging in my closet. I will try again when I am at 228.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
3.5
I am down another 3.5 pounds!! Woohooo!!! I weighed in yesterday at 236.0 for a total of 22 pounds gone now.
Here's a progress picture.
At 258 April 21, 2010
And yesterday at 236
So, 22 pounds isn't a lot for someone my size, but it is enough to notice a difference in my clothing. I am soooo close to going down to the 18's in my closet. The 20's are definitely loose so I am between sizes. The picture with the black shorts - those are 18/20's from Lane Bryant that I bought 8-10 years ago I think. They fit comfortably and I was so excited to try them on and find that they fit!! Today I am wearing a khaki size 18 pair that fit comfortably!!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
1.5
I am down another 1.5 pounds. Yeah! I was hoping for more, but I'll take it. I only had 2 days of exercise this week so that was probably the reason for less than 2 pounds.
I am pressing on!
Tonight is Mom's Night Out for my homeschool group so I am eating lighter today to save room for calories tonight. I am going to go search online to see if the menu is online....that way I can try to figure out the healthiest option before getting there. I am going for taste and not a gazillion calories.
I am pressing on!
Tonight is Mom's Night Out for my homeschool group so I am eating lighter today to save room for calories tonight. I am going to go search online to see if the menu is online....that way I can try to figure out the healthiest option before getting there. I am going for taste and not a gazillion calories.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Why Am I Fat?
I used to think the answer to this was simple. I'm fat because I ate too much over the years. That's true, but it isn't the whole story. Why did I eat too much? Why do I still have thoughts of bingeing even though I detest being fat? Clearly being fat is not just a physical issue.
I am 6 weeks in to my new lifestyle. A lifestyle of making better food choices, eating normal servings and moving my body more. I still react to smells and the sight of foods - my guess is out of habit rather than desire. I have fleeting thoughts of wanting to eat more than my share because that has been "normal" for me for so many years. I don't really want to binge because I know the consequences and I am just done with that. Honestly though, it is so hard to say no or walk away when I am feeling needy or tired or angry.
I am committed to tracking calories and eating normal servings and when I find myself really wanting something I make it part of my calorie count. While losing these 17 pounds I have eaten fast food and indulged in desserts. I feel satisfied physically, but emotionally want more sometimes.
So, I eat out of emotion and feeling rather than physical need for food. I am not sure I know what TRUE hunger feels like, but right now I don't need to know I just need to get healthy. I think I want to know the why of who I am, but I get the feeling emotional pain will be involved. Off the top of my head I know when this weight gain started....1997 when my Dad died I slowly began to put on weight at a rate of about 15 pounds a year. Over the years I have lost anywhere from 10-30 a couple of times but mostly maintained being fat. Then 5 years ago we moved to Texas and I put on 30 more pounds since being here.
After my Dad's death there were many emotional/angering moments with my mother and her issues that contributed to how I was feeling. Being married to an alcoholic hasn't helped either. In fact I think that has had more effect on me than anything else. Because I felt powerless over him and hated him for being an alcoholic I stuffed all my rage with food. I think subconsciously I did it to keep him away from me - because I couldn't stand him and didn't want him touching me. I know that sounds sad and harsh, but it was life for me. Thankfully, 18 months ago he sobered up and I know it sounds corny, but life has become more than wonderful. We have our spats - what couple doesn't - but we don't rage on each other anymore and we generally get along. He talks about things now and he works hard around the house and yard instead of passing out on the couch every weekend. These last 18 months of life improvement have caused me to finally take a look at myself and I could no longer blame him.
I am in a place of healing. I want to be healthy - for me, for my dh, my kids and I want my body to bring glory to the Lord. I don't want to abuse my body anymore with too much food and not enough exercise. I want that more than I want to binge and that is why I can't tolerate being fat any longer.
I am 6 weeks in to my new lifestyle. A lifestyle of making better food choices, eating normal servings and moving my body more. I still react to smells and the sight of foods - my guess is out of habit rather than desire. I have fleeting thoughts of wanting to eat more than my share because that has been "normal" for me for so many years. I don't really want to binge because I know the consequences and I am just done with that. Honestly though, it is so hard to say no or walk away when I am feeling needy or tired or angry.
I am committed to tracking calories and eating normal servings and when I find myself really wanting something I make it part of my calorie count. While losing these 17 pounds I have eaten fast food and indulged in desserts. I feel satisfied physically, but emotionally want more sometimes.
So, I eat out of emotion and feeling rather than physical need for food. I am not sure I know what TRUE hunger feels like, but right now I don't need to know I just need to get healthy. I think I want to know the why of who I am, but I get the feeling emotional pain will be involved. Off the top of my head I know when this weight gain started....1997 when my Dad died I slowly began to put on weight at a rate of about 15 pounds a year. Over the years I have lost anywhere from 10-30 a couple of times but mostly maintained being fat. Then 5 years ago we moved to Texas and I put on 30 more pounds since being here.
After my Dad's death there were many emotional/angering moments with my mother and her issues that contributed to how I was feeling. Being married to an alcoholic hasn't helped either. In fact I think that has had more effect on me than anything else. Because I felt powerless over him and hated him for being an alcoholic I stuffed all my rage with food. I think subconsciously I did it to keep him away from me - because I couldn't stand him and didn't want him touching me. I know that sounds sad and harsh, but it was life for me. Thankfully, 18 months ago he sobered up and I know it sounds corny, but life has become more than wonderful. We have our spats - what couple doesn't - but we don't rage on each other anymore and we generally get along. He talks about things now and he works hard around the house and yard instead of passing out on the couch every weekend. These last 18 months of life improvement have caused me to finally take a look at myself and I could no longer blame him.
I am in a place of healing. I want to be healthy - for me, for my dh, my kids and I want my body to bring glory to the Lord. I don't want to abuse my body anymore with too much food and not enough exercise. I want that more than I want to binge and that is why I can't tolerate being fat any longer.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Measurements
On April 22, 2010 - the day I started my new journey of healthy living I measured my chest, waist, hips and biceps. I meausred again today. I lost 1 inch on my waist, 1 inch on my biceps, 3.5 inches on my chest and 3 inches on my hips. At first I thought the chest and hips couldn't be right, but now that I think about it, it makes sense. My pants are only slightly more comfy in the waist, but generously comfy on hips and butt area. Bras are fitting better too so I guess it is right. I plan on measuring again in July.
Calories are going well this week so far. Also, I took the kids to the pool and while I was there I purposefully treaded water and doggy paddled around. I consider it moderate exercise. I am praying for at least a 2 pound loss on Wednesday.
Calories are going well this week so far. Also, I took the kids to the pool and while I was there I purposefully treaded water and doggy paddled around. I consider it moderate exercise. I am praying for at least a 2 pound loss on Wednesday.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Weigh Day
I just realized I didn't post last week! Last week I lost 2.8 pounds and was down to 245 and this morning I am 241.8 - YEAH!!!
My calories this week were lower on average and this weekend I did a lot of physical labor installing our new faux wood floors. I am so excited!
I am down for a total of 17 pounds. I can't wait to go down a size in jeans. I have "heard" that in the upper sizes where I am there are about 30-40 pounds between sizes and as the sizes get smaller so do the pounds required to get down to the next one. I have about 4 pairs of jeans in my closet that are 18's that I cannot zip or button and when I can get in to those I will have my first major victory!
My calories this week were lower on average and this weekend I did a lot of physical labor installing our new faux wood floors. I am so excited!
I am down for a total of 17 pounds. I can't wait to go down a size in jeans. I have "heard" that in the upper sizes where I am there are about 30-40 pounds between sizes and as the sizes get smaller so do the pounds required to get down to the next one. I have about 4 pairs of jeans in my closet that are 18's that I cannot zip or button and when I can get in to those I will have my first major victory!
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